Hitting the right note.

I did not write the following although it says, very eloquently, all the things I would like to say about who I am and how I feel but can't get the words out quite as nicely.  Of course, I'm only 46 and have not, thankfully, lost too many people yet.  But it hits the mark.  Oh, and don't forget the sunscreen...lol.

Old age, I decided, is a gift.  I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be.  Oh, not my body!  I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes and the sagging butt.  Often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.  I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. 

As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself.  I've become my own friend.  I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio.  I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.  I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.  Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4AM and then sleep until noon?  I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50's, 60's & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love...I will.  I will walk on the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. 

They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful.  But then again, some of life is just as well forgotten.  I eventually remember the important things.  Sure, over the years my heart has been broken.  How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car?  But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion.  A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.  I am blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.  So many don't laugh enough and many have died before their hair could turn gray.  As you get older, it's easier to be positive.  You care less about what others think.  I don't question myself anymore.  I've learned I have the right to be wrong.  So, to answer your question, I like being old.  It has set me free.  I like the person I have become.  I'm not going to live forever, but while I'm here, I'll not waste time lamenting what could have been or worrrying about what will be.  And I'll eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

Be good out there :)

B